The Devil and Morgan Freeman

After watching the movie Wanted recently, Raoul and I were discussing movies wherein Morgan Freeman acted as the villain. Raoul brought up The Bucket List and Driving Miss Daisy. Now, I haven't seen The Bucket List, but I can say without hesitation that Morgan Freeman reached the pinnacle of his career as the bad guy in Driving Miss Daisy. Nothing was more awesome than watching Jessica Tandy trying to figure out how to keep that bus above 200 mph AND defuse a bomb at the same time.



Despite having never seen the movie, mention of The Bucket List got Raoul and I talking about all the things we'd yet to accomplish despite our relative success in life thus far (read: we're still alive). What better time to record them all than now, before we actually do develop terminal illnesses? Unfortunately, Raoul gave me his 3-page, handwritten list at a gay bar, so it looked like I was reading a love note he had written me during class or something. Anyway, we figured starting the list early on in our lives should give us plenty of time to accomplish everything on it. For example, three down already.

(To give credit where credit is due Raoul is even and I'm odd)

1. Make a bucket list.
2. Find out what bleach tastes like.
3. In a room full of people I just met, start a joke that I don't know the punch-line to.
4. Seduce a geriatric and take her millions.
5. Infiltrate an organization.
6. Purchase a bear and a lion, lock them in a cage, see who survives (Editor's note: bear, obviously…see below).
7. Publicly reveal Morgan Freeman's true, evil nature.
8. Watch Roots in its entirety.
9. Try a glory hole (either side).
10. Create a diversion.
11. Go to sleep at a decent hour.
12. Perform a citizen's arrest.
13. Try life without thumbs.
14. Give a "shout out" on COPS.
15. Throw something at this guy and see what happens: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBv79LKfMt4
16. Object to a wedding (during the ceremony).
17. Attend a popular movie and yell out the ending during the opening scene.
18. Stick it to the man.
19. Throw all the parachutes out of an airplane except for one (mine).
20. Beat Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.
21. Get rid of this goddamn headache.
22. Anal.
23. Stare at a solar eclipse.
24. Violate my parole and all 3 restraining orders in one 24-hour period.
25. Dispose of the bodies.
26. Confront and destroy my nemesis/doppelganger.
27. Point a loaded gun at someone.
28. Hunt a human for sport.
29. Use the phrase "gilding the lily" in a sentence (other than this one).
30. Make it rain.
31. Give peace a chance.
32. Throw a Molotov cocktail (fuck peace).
33. Make a deal with the devil.
34. Steal a police car and use it in a high speed chase.
35. Finish an entire Baconator in one sitting.
36. Find out what all the fuss is surrounding autoerotic asphyxiation.
37. Stick my dick in the mashed potatoes, regardless of what kind of party it is.
38. Go out in a blaze of glory (Editor's note: for efficiency, combine with numbers 32 through 37?).