Well, say you and I were in some horrible accident and our injuries were minor except for our thumbs being completely severed. Who would be more prepared? That's right, me. Again, I know what you're thinking...'Yeah I probably couldn't pick up cups easily or brush my teeth very well or hitchhike or thumb wrestle, but I could manage.' Luckily for you, I understand the severity of the situation and I'm willing to share the findings of my experiment.
Here now is a list of some of the common, everyday things you can wave goodbye to with your new 4-fingered hands:
- Playing video games
- Twiddling
- Masturbating (grip hand)
- Saying 'What has two thumbs and loves blowjobs???'
- Giving urban handshakes
- Masturbating (anus hand)
- Shooting rubber-bands
- Stealing people's noses
- Telling Iranians off
- Making shadow puppet dogs that have ears
- Enjoying suspenders
- Determining the fate of gladiators
Unfortunately, that's all I could attempt during my half-hour of thumblessness before deciding to give my thumbs two very enthusiastic thumbs up.
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