alt.reality.mindf

My recent entry on unpopular opinions got me thinking…what if there’s a world somewhere where dinosaurs really do still exist? Then I got to thinking…wait, I was already thinking...so I guess technically I just kept thinking…anyway, what if there’s a world somewhere out there where Burger Kings have Minute Maid Orange (and, even further, ANOTHER world where Burger Kings aren’t Burger Kings at all, but Grandy’ses…and they serve whiskey…wait, that’s Heaven, not a parallel universe…sorry, different blog…) and where making jokes about newsgroups is actually cool, not nerdy (see title).

It gets better the more I continue to keep not stopping to still carry on thinking about it:

Imagine a world where up is down, where Pac-Man is square (literally, not like “it’s hip to be square”), where it’s totally not hip to be square, and where everyone says “yes” to drugs.

A world where “The Macarena” sucks, where people’s fingers bend the other way, and where Mike Tyson is President (he still has that wicked face tattoo though…and he still wants to eat people’s children).

A world where people talk backwards, where they walk sideways, where submarines fly and where airplanes swim.

A world where I decide not to blog and consequently have a little more free time on my hands that I’m not really sure what to do with (I’m no prophet (yet), but I’m willing to bet it involves porn), where O.J. is found guilty, and where no one can quite remember exactly what happened on 9/11.

A world where alcoholics are willingly exposed, where The West Wing actually is the show about Lowell and Tony Shalhoub, and where Nolan Ryan is left-handed, but for some reason he insists on pitching with his right hand, so he pretty much sucks.

A world where all dogs burn in Hell, where men give birth (from what orifice, I have no idea), and where genital herpes isn’t even remotely sexy.

A world where I can grow a full beard, where I can throw a spiral, and where I have a HUGE cock (I’m talking Mandingo huge). (NOTE: Mandingo has a film which made it to the semifinals of my Funniest Porno Title contest: It Don’t Matter, Just Don’t Bite It…fantastic!)

A world where poems that don't rhyme actually count as poetry, where Moses asked Pharaoh if he and his people could stick around a little longer, and where Nancy Grace isn’t the less attractive, more annoying, real-life version of Ms. Piggy.

A world where Frosted Flakes are just mediocre, where Sugar Bear has had quite enough Golden Crisp, where that little bitch Mikey will put anything in his mouth, and where:


Talk about a mindfuck…