In order to demonstrate why I enjoyed ACL so much this year, I decided to give awards to the various bands/people who made the experience worth the time and money.
To start things off on a good note, the Surprise of the Year Award goes to Gogol Bordello, a band that I would describe as an Eastern-European Flogging Molly. They had probably the highest energy out of any band the entire weekend. Also, they were the only band whose act involved an insane moustache, a marching band drum, and a red bucket (it should be noted that several other bands had wicked moustaches and at least one other act had a marching band drum, but the real clincher here was the red bucket). Needless to say, I have Gogol Bordello’s entire discography now and I dig it considerably. Coincidentally, this was one of the bands that we just happened to see because they were closest to the food court at dinner time. He works in mysterious ways.
Runners-up: Fleet Foxes and What Made Milwaukee Famous (my attendance at both was intentional, but I enjoyed them much more than I thought I would).
The Perfect Timing Award goes to this guy:
The Kiss My Dick Award for ACL 08 goes to Vampire Weekend. Before ACL, I was most looking forward to seeing this band. As it turned out, they were this year’s Killers (Note: to my visually retarded readers who are having this read aloud to them, “Killers” in this sentence is not a good thing as in, “man, they killed that show!” Nay, it is a reference to last year’s ACL wherein the band, The Killers, closed out Friday night with what sounded like their CD was simply being played over a loudspeaker). Booooooooooooooooooooooring.
Runner-up: Flyleaf. I didn’t go to their show, but one of my best friends knew them in high school, he said they’re tools, and I have no reason to doubt him.
The “So THAT’S What a Rap Concert Sounds Like” Award goes to Del the Funky Homosapien. For a guy whose middle name literally is “Funky,” Del sure didn’t do much to move the crowd. I love rap as much as the next middle-class white guy, but I can’t stand when random guys shout sporadic words into the microphone as the main artist performs…all while the beat drops in and out to supposedly add effect to the words that you can’t understand…because they’re being shouted by three different people.
The Funniest Artist Award goes to Fleet Foxes for many reasons, but partly the following off-the-cuff conversation they had while on stage:
Fleet Fox 1: Who is Allison Krauss?
Fleet Fox 2: I think she was in Led Zeppelin.
FF1: Then who is Robert Plant?
FF2: I’m pretty sure he was one of the Doobie Brothers.
They also had plenty of jokes about Washington Mutual, the economy, etc. and they thanked Foo Fighters for allowing them to be an opening band (Foo Fighters weren’t scheduled to go on stage for another 32 hours).
Runner-up: Tegan & Sara for telling the story about how they had no sucking reflex when they were born. I dunno…I had a lot to drink at the time. Oh, wait, they’re lesbians, that’s why it’s funny.
The Best Overheard Joke Award goes to the large, red-headed stoner next to us at the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss concert. Some annoying beaver was on her phone trying to use other people’s banners as landmarks to tell her friends where she was. The closest banner to us had the Texas state flag on it. So the beaver says to her friend, “Not Texas, like the school…” to which the stoner blurted out “Texas like ha-ha???” Maybe you had to be there…
The Worst Attempt at Humor Award goes to Del the Funky Homosapien. His alter-ego, a redneck named Cletus, was about as funny as the following joke: A Jew walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The bartender says “Did you want to open a tab?” The Jew replies, “nah, I only have time for one drink.” The bartender looks at him and says “Alright, well my name is Dave in case you need anything.”
The Show That Would Have Been Awesome If I Could Have Heard It Award goes to MGMT. Apparently, MGMT’s MKTG plan has been highly successful, as they pulled the most immense crowd of the weekend. The crowd was so large…HOW LARGE WAS IT!?...the crowd was so large that I could hear the band at another stage better than I could hear MGMT.
Runners-up: Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears (saw them in Dallas this summer and they were awesome. Would loved to have seen them again had they not been onstage during naptime) and Foo Fighters. Yes, that’s correct, we left town before the headliners performed. If it makes you feel any better, I kicked myself in the ass the entire walk back to our room as I could hear them rocking the shit out of the entire park.
The Gayest Banner Award goes to whomever is carrying this abomination:
The Most Surprising Announcement by an Artist Award goes to the lead singer of the Fleet Foxes for declaring that his favorite restaurant in America was a vegan restaurant. I would never have guessed that the unkempt, long-haired lead singer of a folksy band from Seattle would be vegan.
The Most Sarcastic Award Award goes to me, for that last one.
The Bands That Obviously Know What They’re Doing Awards go to:
The Mars Volta – I only stayed for one song, but it kicked ass. My lady-friend was tired, so we left for the night. I say I’m a nice guy, you say she wears the pants. Tomato, go fuck yourself.
John Fogerty – My friends overheard the following question from the village idiot: “Who was that old man who played all the CCR covers?” John Fogerty may be aging, but he had more funk in his red bandana than Del had in his entire entourage. Maybe Fogerty should change his name to John The Funky Fogerty.
The Raconteurs – Awesome, despite Jack White’s having a “disc in the wrong place” in his neck.
Okkervill River – When they played in Dallas, we left their show early (it was a school night). We made it through the whole show this time, and it was great…especially when they slipped into a dramatic and energetic cover of "Sloop John B."
Tegan & Sara – Solid show for the unfortunately small crowd.
Robert Plant & Allison Krauss – Probably my favorite show of the weekend. Watching people who love music play music is a hell of a treat. Plant and Krauss treated the audience to three altered but awesome Led Zeppelin covers which was three more than I thought we’d get while Plant’s rendition of “Nothin'” let him wail like only Robert Plant can. At one point, guitarist T-Bone Burnett took the stage by himself to perform probably the darkest song I’ve ever heard (and thus one of the coolest). Despite how good this show was, the most entertaining part might have been the aforementioned red-headed stoner dancing wildly throughout the concert, all the while donning flashing neon rabbit ears.
The Wasted High-Schooler Award goes to Philip:
This cat almost ralphed on us. I mean fo real, we were in the splatter-zone. Shortly after this picture was taken he fell backwards and landed partially on our blanket, which I promptly removed. The drunk UT dad behind us laughed and said “That’s cold, man, he’s not a leper!” No, but he was a vomiting idiot, and that’s worse in my book. The funniest part of this whole scene was the uninformed passersby who proceeded to plod through Philip’s pile of puke. Goddamn, that’s some sweet alliteration.
Thanks for attending the awards ceremonies. Buy your tickets for ACL 09 as soon as they go on sale so you too can be a part of the magic. $180 for 3 days worth of this much music and entertainment is worth every red cent. Hell, I’d pay $20 just to watch Philip piss himself again. Try taking that out of context.
3 comments:
i found this blog through a friend's, and it is seriously some of the funniest stuff i've ever read.
okay...actual dialogue i had with Justin while waiting for a show,
ME: "that rainbow feather boa stick flag is my favorite."
(Justin looks up, then shakes his head)
ME AGAIN: "What?! i really love it!"
It was a skank and a dude talking about Robert Plant, and she says "Was that the guy who played all the CCR covers?" and he said "That is John Foggerty. . . and they weren't covers." And then we vomited at them.
Post a Comment